


Where Feelings Go

by Naminaee



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Exes, Fluff, However you say it, Light Angst, Lots of reminisicing, M/M, Past Relationships, Reunion, Smut, VictUuri, Victuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:52:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9092140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naminaee/pseuds/Naminaee
Summary: Sometimes people are destined for bigger things. Sometimes we need to make sacrifices to reach our goals. Sometimes we may lose who we are along the way. Sometimes it’s not about any of these things. Maybe it's always been about finding your back way home.





	

It feels unfamiliar being back at the Hasetsu Ice Castle, almost as if it were a life time ago.

I’ve been hesitating out the front of the ice rink for the last hour and a half. Yet I know this waiting won’t get me anywhere. I enter the building and with the force of an oncoming truck, I’m already hit with a familiar voice. I honestly feel like running out of the building now, but I stand my ground.

“That was great, girls!” the raven haired man smiles, picking up one of the three small girls and spinning her around. “You’re all improving so much”. The girls laugh in delight as they skate around the rink. 

“That’s all for today’s session” the dark haired man says, he’s met with a resounding sigh from the three girls, it earns them a chuckle. “Come on girls, Mom is here”.

The three little girls skate over to the kiss and cry and disembark the ice. A lady enters the room and makes her way over to the group.

“Girls! Yuuri! Hi!” She announces, hugging Yuuri. The tenderness in his smile when he gazes at her hurts, a firm pang shoots through my heart. Of course, he’s moved on.  
  
“Yuko! It’s great to see you” Yuuri gives her an easy smile, the one he gives to people he really cares about.

“Mommy! Mom! Mommy!” the loud echoes of the triplets erupt, with shoes on they scramble over to their mother, gripping her pants leg.

“Did you see us?” one of the girls asks. Yuko chuckles and ruffles their hair.

“I did! You all did very well” Yuko beams, her fond smile turns to Yuuri. “Isn’t Yuuri an excellent coach? Make sure you say thank you”.

The girls all turn and jump on Yuuri, gripping his pants leg, climbing up his torso, touching his glasses. Yuuri smiles so wide it looks like his face could split. Yuko laughs. The whole scene makes me sick.

“I’ll drop them off tomorrow for another lesson?” Yuko asks. Yuuri nods. “Alright girls! Time to go!”  
  
“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Again, the soft eyes and tender smile return.

 I hate it. Yet, it’s my fault it’s like this.

“Sure thing” Yuko reaches up on her toes and kisses Yuuri on the cheek. Then, with a simple wave Yuko and the children are gone.

I digest the scene that just happened with a bitter after taste.

Do I still approach Yuuri?

Will he want to see me?

Yuuri’s back is still turned to me, he’s now organising the ice skates the triplets had left lying around haphazardly.

No. This was it. I hadn’t flown half way around the world to be discouraged now.

I walk over to him. Yuuri hears my footsteps approach and doesn’t bother to look over his shoulder when he says.

“Sorry, we’re closed right now”  
  
“Even for an old friend?” I ask, trying to keep the lump out of my throat. Yuuri’s shoulders tense immediately and he turns around slowly. To say he looks shocked is an understatement. His eyes rake over me and he’s so bewildered – like he’s seen a ghost. I guess I could considered one.

“For an ‘old friend’, I guess I can” Yuuri stands there staring at me for what feels like forever, before he moves forward, extending his arms and embraces me in a light hug. It’s only for a few seconds but it sets my heart on fire and butterflies sound off in my stomach, wings racing a million miles an hour.  
  
He takes a step back and his eyes rake over my form. I do the same.

Yuuri looks the same, yet different. He’s lean now, where before he had a bit more weight to him. He looks older, taller, more tired than I last saw. Yet, he’s still as beautiful as the day I saw him.

Yuuri chuckles and runs a hand through his hair nervously. It’s embarrassing that the slightest touch from him can leave me a tingling mess.

“How about we go for a drink?” I say lightly, trying to break the tension.

“You got it, let me just lock up here first”

His body brushes against mine as I walk over the spectator seats to wait until he’s finished. I hear the flick of switches and the click of locks, my heart starts to beat a bit faster.

He appears before me in a heartbeat, a tote bag slung over his shoulder.

“Ready to go?” he asks. I nod and rise to my feet.

“Awesome, I’ll drive”

The drive to the bar isn’t long, five minutes total. Yet, it may as well have lasted a lifetime. The small car does an overwhelming job of encompassing us in this drowning atmosphere. There’s so much to say to one another - a lifetime of history, regrets, memories. Where do I begin?

It turns out the bar is also close to Yuuri’s apartment. He’s moved out of the onsen since the last time I was here. Granted, that was many years ago. Time stands still for no one, and now was no exception. Our worlds changed and moved on.  
  
“I’m ahh….not sure what you drink?” Yuuri said as we sat down at a corner booth at the bar.

“Beer is fine” I say simply. I don’t drink much.  Yuuri orders us both one. It’s silent for what seems like a long time.

Suddenly, we lock eyes and I know Yuuri is also thinking of those last few days we spent together. Tangled up in bedsheets, not leaving the bedroom, not wanting to face the reality that would come when I had to go. We hadn’t been able to get our fill of one another, kisses were hurried, touches were desperate, and the sex was a frenzy – a hopeless ploy to forget the looming reality.

The beers are placed on the table, snapping us out of our trance.

“Will your wife be okay with your being out late?” I ask.

“Wife?”

“The lady from the ice rink” I try keep my jealousy out of my tone.

“Oh! You don’t remember Yuko? She’s not my wife” He chuckles. “She’s a dear friend, but she’s married. Do you remember Takeshi Nishigori? They got married a few years ago and had the triplets. I teach them skating” Yuuri smiles happily as he talks about his friends. I feel an unbelievable sense of relief wash over and I try to avoid expelling a breath audibly.

“So, how have you been?” Yuuri asks me.

I give him an abridged version. I moved to Russia and began intense training with a coach and all I’ve done since I left was skate competitively.

“All you’ve done?” Yuuri snorts. “Win five consecutive world championships like it’s nothing?” He laughs and there is a slightly bitter undertone.

“Your turn!” I say, taking another big gulp of my drink.

Yuuri also gives an abridged version. He moved to Detroit for two years to try his hand at competitive figure skating but after an injury, his goal was short lived. Yuuri returned to Japan and began teaching ice skating lessons at the ice rink in Hasetsu. He’d come to be quite fond of it, despite his wistful voice when he spoke about his time in Detroit.

“Victor? Are you with me?” Yuuri asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“What…yeah, um” I stammer like a loser. “What did you ask?”

“I asked how long you’re in town for.” Yuuri repeat.

“I’m not really sure” I admit. “I’m trying to figure things out”.

“Figure things out?” Yuuri repeats. He leans closer to me and raises an eyebrow.

I nod. I’m hoping he won’t ask me to answer because I have no way to answer him. I don’t know why I came back. Just that nothing seemed to feel…right anymore. In an ill-advised pre-emptive strike, I take a swig of my drink that was probably a bit too much of a mouthful, it dribbles down my chin.

“Shit”

Suddenly, I feel a thumb glide over my chin and brush my lip softly as it goes, collecting spilt liquor. His eyes are focused on my parted lips, his hand lingers on my cheek for a fraction of a second. Then he pulls away and I’m disappointed.

That is until he slips his thumb into his mouth and he sucks off the excess alcohol. Damn.

I watch as Yuuri takes a long sip of his own before slumping back into his chair.

“So, got anyone special back home?” he asks. Yuuri starts peeling the label off the bottle in front of him, clearly avoiding my gaze.

“No” I reply quietly. It takes all my courage to muster the same response in return. “You?”

I see the corners of his mouth twitch as he shakes his head silently.

“Have there been others?” I ask, yet it comes out like an accusation. I cringe, I sound certifiable. “I mean, like anyone serious? Marriage potential?”

Yuuri lets out a low sigh.

“No one special”

 _“What the fuck does that mean?”_ I mentally ask myself.

“How about you?” Yuuri asks, his eyes narrowing. “I’ve seen some of the tabloids”

I notice that he doesn’t add the marriage piece to the question. I hate that he knows that there have been others over the years, so I give him the same answer he gave me. The only one that matter.

“No one special”

“To no one special” Yuuri raises his glass and I raise mine in a toast.

One toast turns into two, then three, then four as we continue to drunkenly reminisce. All our stories seem to start with _‘Do you remember when’_ or ‘ _what happened to’_. With it each tale it seems we become more animated, we inch closer to each other. My leg is now firmly pressed up against his.

“Do you ever – “ Yuuri stops. “Nevermind”.

“What?” I laugh playfully. I slap my hand down on Yuuri’s thigh and shamelessly slide it up. “Do I ever what?”

Yuuri lets out a shaky breath.

“Do you ever think about us?” he breathes out.

“All the time” I think. I don’t say that though. Instead, I shrug indifferently.

“Answer the question”

It seems drunken Yuuri is unrelenting. I quirk a brow at his tone, letting him know I don’t appreciate it.

“What about us?” I reply coolly.

He scowls and stares at me. He doesn’t relent.

“Fine. I think about us. Happy?” his expression stays too neutral to for my liking. The pregnant silence that follows drives me wild. “What about you? Ever think about us?”

Yuuri sits unmoving for a long while before he nods.

“More than I’d like to admit”

“I often think about what happened after…why you just stopped talking to me” I say, in a quiet voice.

It’s quiet for a while before I peak at Yuuri’s facial expression, he’s staring at me in disbelief.

“I don’t know Victor, perhaps it was become we were young and stupid. Or maybe because I was literally gone from your life for a millisecond before you moved on to the next pretty thing that turned your way” His eyes go in for the kill. “Or should I say pretty _things_ because honestly Victor, a new article every week about you with someone else? You could have fooled me”.

“Articles?” I ask.

“You, a bottle of Peach Scnapps and Christophe Giacometti, ring any bells?” Yuuri deadpans.

“Vaguely. I don’t see why you wouldn’t contact me over that though” I shrug. “Why such a big deal?”

“Are you kidding me? If you’d seen weekly articles of my ‘latest hookup’ wouldn’t you be pissed? To think I meant that little too you!”

I open mouth but Yuuri cuts me off.

“Now correct me if I’m wrong but those ‘extra training sessions’ for us meant sucking each other off in the locker room” Yuuri leans back, smug. My blood boils. He had never been so wrong before. I’m furious.

Now there are two things that Yuuri Katsuki and I used to do better than anyone, those were sex and fighting. I can’t tell which one Yuuri wants more right now.

“That never happened! I would never have done that too you! The media created that type of persona for me! Why would you believe that? It also didn’t take too long for you to date that Thai skater!”

“I didn’t date him for months after we stopped dating” Yuuri says.

“Yeah, well imagine my surprise when I check to see what you’re up to on Facebook and there are photos of you two everywhere”. I start laughing and scull my drink, leaning back in my seat. Yuuri smiles and it seems the tension is alleviated.

“Did you ever try  too seriously look me up? Try to find me?” I reach for his hand, meeting his gaze.

“You mean beyond Facebook, No”

“Why not?” he whispers.

“I don’t know” I lie, “I guess I just didn’t want to see you happy” I try again, I’m only somewhat untruthful this time. “I just didn’t know if I could stomach to hear that you were happy”

It sounds awful but it’s the truth. The only thing that would make the statement truer would be if I added _‘with someone other than me’._

His brows furrow as he tries to process my words. “You don’t want to see me happy?”

I shaky my head furiously.

“No, I don’t mean like that. Obviously, I want you to be happy. Yet, to see you with someone else“ even the idea of it is enough to make me sick. “It would…irk me”.

“It would irk you?”

“You know what I mean” I feign annoyance and he slaps a hand on my chest, I grab that hand.

“I do” He gives me an easy smile. “It would irk me too”.

We subconsciously move closer again, the air around us cackles with lust and anticipation.

“So, we both agree?” Yuuri looks earnestly at our entwined fingers.

I shoot Yuuri a confused glance, not quite sure what he’s talking about. He spells it out for me.

“We were young and didn’t know any better”

It’s true. We never would have known if we could have survived a long distance relationship. It’s possibly we were only ever destined to a fleeting love.

Yuuri orders two shots.

“To being young and dumb!”

“To being young and dumb!” I parrot as we throw back our shots.

“I’m just going to the bathroom” Yuuri announces as he vanishes for a second. I take a moment to look around the bar. Not many patrons are here this late at night. I wander over to the pool table.

“I didn’t notice you played pool” Yuuri announces his return, bold from the alcohol, his arms thread around my waist and I practically jump ten feet in the air.

“I don’t, I’m just looking” I say. His hands are tracing circles on my hips and it’s driving me wild. I feel Yuuri’s breath against my ear, he’s about to say something but is interested.

“Sorry gentlemen, we’re closing now” the waitress tells us.

Yuuri clears his throat and takes a small step away, he doesn’t let go though. He threads his fingers through mine. We leave the bar and are met with the brisk night air.

“I’m too drunk to drive” Yuuri laughs. “Lucky I don’t like too far from here”

I nod my head, not wanting to answer. I look at our entwined fingers. I could let go here and get on a plane, back to Russia, back to ice skating…back to nothing.

“Where are you staying while you’re here?” Yuuri asks me. I look up at him and shrug sheepishly.

“I…ah – hadn’t booked a hotel anything”

“So you have nowhere to stay?”

“Yeah…this was kind of a spur of the moment trip” Yuuri’s already walking, tugging me along.

“You can crash at mine, I guess. I mean…if you want?”

“I want!” I say a bit too loudly, Yuuri turns and looks at me over his shoulder, smiling.

The walk to Yuuri’s apartment doesn’t take long, only about ten minutes. Neither of us really talk, but we smile when we catch ourselves peeking at one another. The jovial, drunken atmosphere hasn’t left.

Yuuri’s apartment is small, yet modern. Apparently quite a few new apartment blocks had been built in previous years. The small town had seen a slight boom in numbers with Yuuri’s return to the area. It seems he was quite popular locally.

The décor seemed quite mismatched and eclectic. None of it really matched, yet it seemed like the type of apartment Yuuri would live in. It even came across as quite modern, even though I knew Yuuri never would have done this on purpose.

Yuuri toes off his shoes and I follow suit. He leads me from the hallway to the living room where I sit down on one of the couches and Yuuri sits in the arm chair next to me.

“So, you’re enjoying teaching ice skating?” I ask.

“I am actually, it’s great to see the kids have so much fun” he says, his expression turns distant though. “I just wish..” he doesn’t finish.

“Wish what?” I prompt.

“I wish I could have gone to the world championships…I wish I could have stood on the world stage with you” Yuuri says whimsically. I don’t say anything. What can I say to that?

The air turns awkward.

“F-forget I said anything!” Yuuri mumbles. “I’ll get you a drink of water”

Yuuri suddenly springs to his feet, forgetting his own drunken state and in his haste to get away he’s caught on the coffee table and is suddenly flung on top of me. What happens in a flash seems to slow right down as Yuuri catches himself and pulls back a bit. His arms are on either side of my neck, a knee resting between my open legs. His eyes lock with mine and his breathe hitches in his throat. We stare at each other for a fraction of a second before he’s pulling away and I’m reaching for him, incredibly sober all of a sudden.

Because I know, if I let it end here I would have missed my chance.

“No” I say, reaching for Yuuri’s hand. “Don’t run away”

“B-but” Yuuri tries. There is still so much say, so much past buried behind us. Yet, I know that can wait until tomorrow. This is what I want right now.

“Yuuri just feel” I breathe and I’m closing the distance between us, reaching up to meet Yuuri and suddenly my lips are on his.

Just like I remember. Smooth, soft and sweet to taste.

Yuuri is unmoving against me. Like he doesn’t know how he should respond. Slowly, after what feels like a life time, he responds. He melts and it’s bittersweet. Yuuri moves his lips against mine, his fingers tangle in the hair at the back of my neck and his kisses are feather light, dancing against me.

A delicious flame is set alight in my stomach – needs, yearning, lust, desire and anticipation licks at my skin and I need more.

This passion is hot, it’s burning and it’s all encompassing. It’s all Yuuri.

No one has ever come close to giving me this blinding desire.

Kisses grow more insistent – longer, harder, needy. We’re both panting now. It’s like we’re consuming each other, relishing in what was and rediscovering what we lost.

Yuuri’s straddling me now and I can feel his member against my thigh, hard and hot. He moans into my mouth and the sound spurs me to press against him harder, searching for precious friction. Release.

When he presses his hips down to meet mine a whimper escapes and Yuuri smirks. His gaze turns to look down at the tell-tale sign of my arousal in my pants. Yuuri pulls back and I’m reaching for him again before he raises a hand to placate me.

He sinks to his knees, my eyes are about to bug out of my head.

“Y-yuuri?” I question. His hands are on my belt, undoing it.

“Shh” Yuuri cooes. “Victor, just feel” he throws my own words back at me.

I’m floored. All throughout the night there have been signs of a Yuuri that I’m not quite accustomed too. He’s bolder, more sure of himself and I’m not quite sure if it has anything to do with the alcohol or not. Yuuri seems to have more confidence in himself and his sexuality. I love the fact he’s initiating things

I know this also doesn’t hide the elephant in the room or the looming reality of the conversation we’ll have tomorrow. What my decision for the future will be or what Yuuri will think about it.

“Victor” I’m brought back from my thoughts by Yuuri’s gentle voice. “Come back” he says.

“A-are you sure Yuuri?” I ask again.

“Don’t take your eye off me” Yuuri says, signalling his sure before he’s undone the button on my jeans and pulled my member from its confines.

Yuuri stares at it like a man, starved for days, the lust in his eyes is enough to bring me to the edge. He never breaks eyes contact as he lowers his mouth and ever so slowly traces his tongue from the bottom of my shaft all the way to the head of cock. He repeats it, again and again.

It’s torture and has me gritting my teeth in anticipation.

He tongue travels one last time up to the top of my cock and suddenly he’s enveloped the head in his mouth.

“Fuck” I gritt, behind clenched teeth. I weave my fingers into Yuuri’s soft hair.

His tongue swirls around the head a few times until he presses it against the underside of the head, a particular sweet spot of mine. So, he remembered.

I hiss in pleasure.

“Yuu-ri” I say brokenly. His eyes connect with mine and suddenly he’s taking inch after inch of me further into his mouth, bobbing his head up and down. Its bliss and devastation all rolled into one. My fingers press tighter into his scalp, letting him know I need more.

He starts to suck now, hard and I’m so far gone. How many nights had I replayed scenes similar to this in my head?

He hums as he raises his head up and down and it reverberates throughout my member. I can’t help the loud moan that rips through me. Yuuri, who seems satisfied slides my cock further down his throat.

It’s all becoming too much. The sensation of his tongue pressed against me, the suction, the look in his eyes, like he needs this release just as much as I do.

I can feel the coil starting to tighten in the pit of my stomach. Yet, I don’t want it like this.

“Yuuri, stop” He stops immediately, cock still in hand, his eyes questioning. “I don’t want to cum yet” I’m panting. “I want to be inside you when I cum”.

I lean down and kiss Yuuri, who is still slowly pumping my cock, I hum into his mouth.

“Bedroom?” he asks against my lips and I rise to my feet, taking him with me.

I follow quickly behind Yuuri as he leads us to his bedroom, I peel off my shirt along the way. The second we enter I have him pressed against the wall, a searing kiss is met with loud moans, only to be broken when we separate so I can pull Yuuri’s shirt off him.

My lips capture his again, my tongue presses against his lips asking for entrance. Yuuri opens his mouth and my tongue presses against his. He moans and presses himself harder against me, a leg hitched around my own.

I’m impatient. I want everything at once. More kissing, my lips on his cock, I want to be inside him. I’m ravenous, something I haven’t felt with anyone for a long time. Something, only Yuuri could make me feel.

Without breaking the kiss, I move us backwards. We pause for a moment to shed the rest of Yuuri’s clothes. I kiss him chastely before I push him onto the bed and take a step back.

I admire him. He’s beautiful with his messing hair, cheeks flushed and chest rising and falling as he looks me over as well. He’s better than I imagined him, lean body with prominent muscles, nothing too crazy though – you can tell he looks after himself a bit more now.

“Victor” Yuuri breathes and I’m already there, straddling him and pressing my lips against his once more. Sparks shoot under my skin as I feel the pleasant warmth of his naked body against mine. I hiss as my cock bumps against Yuuri’s and I reach between us, gripping them both together in one hand.

Yuuri moans as I press my cock harder against his and jerk both of us at an agonizingly slow pace. The tip of his cock is slick with pre-cum and I know he’s as enraptured by the moment as I am.

“Victor, I need you” Yuuri moans, a trail of saliva dripping from his mouth.

I can’t wait anymore either. I need more.

“Lube?” I ask.

“Nightstand” Yuuri mumbles. I’m lightening quick as I reach forward and fish the lube and a condom out of the draw.

“Please” he asks again, more desperate this time. He’s beautiful and wanton, legs spread open and ass on display as he slowly jerks himself off.

“Shhh” I coo at him. He watches with half lidded eyes as I pour the lube onto two of my fingers. I press one against his anus and after a little resistance it enters smoothly. I thrust it in and out slowly, getting Yuuri accustomed to the feeling before I add another finger.

“Victor” he moans. I love how raw it sounds.

I’m moving my fingers faster now, pumping them in and out of his ass, slowly scissoring them. Yuuri clutches the bedsheets tightly.

“More. I need more” Yuuri pants. I need more too. “I can’t wait anymore please”.

“Please, what?” I say, yet I’m already rolling the condom on.

“Please, I need you inside me” Yuuri whimpers and it cracks the last of the ice on my heart.

I don’t waste any time as I slide into Yuuri. We both let our earth shattering moans when I fill him to the hilt and I’m home. Nothing has or ever as perfect as we were when we were connected like this, raw, pure and primal.

Everything that I thought had mattered was now gone, only this…only Yuuri remained. I think a part of me had always known that. Nothing had ever felt as warm and secure as his embrace. Never had I felt as happy as I had when I was with Yuuri.

“Victor please!” Yuuri cries and I snap my hips forward. Anything for him. The pace is slow at first, I relish in the feel of Yuuri’s warmth surrounding me. It’s bliss and it’s almost surreal.

When Yuuri starts bringing his hips forward to meet my thrusts, I know he needs more. I speed up, thrusting faster and harder but it’s still not enough. I shift my hips up slightly, hitting him in a different spot.

I hiss as I feel him tighten around me.

“You like that” I pant as I capture his lips again. He moans a muffled ‘yes’ against my lips and I smirk.

I feel like we can’t get close enough as I press myself harder against him, thrusting faster.

“Please, Victor….shit” Yuuri curses and I know he’s nearly there.

“Yuuri…so tight…so warm” I grit as thrust harder, edging my way to release.

“Almost there” Yuuri cries and I know I am too. The coil tightens in my stomach again and when I feel Yuuri tighten around my cock I know he’s there, about to fall over the edge and he’s dragging me with him.

“Victor! I’m cumming!” Yuuri screams as he wraps his around my neck, holding me against him tightly.

“Yuuri, Yuuri, Yuuri” is all I can chant, like a prayer to whichever god helped me find my way back to him. My orgasm hits me like a freight truck and we’re both shaking uncontrollably as we ride out our orgasms.

I collapse on top of Yuuri for a second, collecting my breath before I roll to the side, I don’t let go off his hand though, I need to be connected to him.

When Yuuri finally tums to look at me with tender eyes, his breathing now under control I know what my decision is.

“What?” he asks me, suddenly self-conscious.

“You’re beautiful” I respond, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. But, it is. Yuuri is the most beautiful thing in my world. I smile at him before I reach down onto the floor and grab Yuuri’s sweatpants he wore earlier. I use them to clean both of us up before I throw it back across the room and manoeuvre both of us so we are under the blanket. Yuuri rests his head on my chest.

We’re both quiet for a long while again, I trace patterns with my finger on Yuuri’s bare back.

I feel so warm and happy, something that hasn’t been familiar to me for a long while. My eyes start to feel heavy.

“Victor, I – “ Yuuri starts.

“Shhhh, whatever it is – it can wait until morning” I whisper. I turn and cradle Yuuri against me. It isn’t long before sleep finds me.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later I’m woken by the sound of a phone vibrating loudly on the wood floors. Yuuri who is still entangled in my embrace sleeps through it.

I smile warmly. Of course he would.

I slowly slip from his embrace. I silently chuckle as I see a slight pout form on Yuuri’s face as he sleepily searches across the bed for me.

I quickly pull a pair of Yuuri’s sweatpants from the dresser before I pick up my phone and enter the lounge room.

I know who it is before I even pick up the phone.

“Yakov” I greet.

“Victor! Where are you? Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all day?”

“Ahh, about that…” I begin, my tone is sheepish. “I’m kind of in Japan right now”

“Oh that’s fi— Wait! Did you just say Japan?” I can picture the huge vein on his forehead, pulsing.

I let out a deep sigh.

“Vitya, are you okay?” Vakov tries again. This time I’m honest with him.

“No, I’m not” I say. “I just can’t do this anymore”

“Do this?”

“Ice skating. I quit. I want to retire” The phone line goes almost dead for a while.

“What brought this on Vitya? I thought you were happy?” Yakov says, his tone is worried.

“So did I, but nothing feels right anymore. Ice skating isn’t enough to make me feel happy. I feel like something has been missing for a long time”

“What you say you’re missing… you’ve found in Japan?” I look back to the room where I left Yuuri sleeping and I jump a little when I see him standing half-dressed against the door frame.

“Yes” I say confidently as I look Yuuri in the eye, I give him a slight smile in the hope it will ease his own worried expression.

“Vitya, if this is what you need then I will always support you. You’ll have to return to tie up loose ends. Please know, I just want you to be happy”

My eyes prickle.

“Thank you, my friend” I choke. “I’ll be in touch”.

Yuuri takes my hand and leads me to the sofa.

“What’s happening?” he asks.

“That was my coach, wanting to know where I am and what I’m doing” I say. Yuuri tenses and avoids my gaze.

“What did you tell him?” he asks, mumbling.

“I told him that I’m not returning to Russia”

“For how long?”

“Indefinitely” I say, smiling.

“I don’t understand”

I take his hand in my own.

“It means that for a long time now, I’ve felt empty. Sitting on top of the world only lasts for so long before it starts to leave a bitter aftertaste in your mouth. Connections with people seem fake, they only want to know me because I’m a somebody. Do you know how many times I’ve been home these past six months? One night. I’m so tired, Yuuri. I don’t want that kind of lifestyle now. I want somewhere that feels like home, like you”

“Me?” he croaks, tears welling in his eyes.

“Yes, you. It’s always been you. No one has ever come close to the place you had in my heart. I know we were young and stupid and we thought things wouldn’t have worked out and we’ll never know. All I can say is that right here and now there is nothing that feels more right than being here with you. If you’ll have me?”

“What about work? You’re career?”

“Doesn’t matter to me. I just want you. Yet, I’m sure there are some kids around here that wouldn’t mind an extra set of hands when teaching them to skate”

“B-but?”

“Shhhh” I coo. “We can work everything else out as we go. I just need to know if you’ll have me?”

Yuuri stares at me for a long while before he throws his arms around me.

“I love you, Victor Nikiforov”.

It sinks in that I get to keep him now and we’re both sobbing.

When you’re young and foolish, you tend to take for granted what really matters to you.

It took sacrificing my relationship in order for me to achieve my dreams. I ended up losing myself along the way.

Yet perhaps I never really was lost in the first place. I think a part of me always knew that home and happiness was with Yuuri Katsuki.

Perhaps, this was all part of a journey for me to find my way home again.

Which was where I would stay.

Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year! 
> 
> This is un-beta'd so I apologise for any mistakes.
> 
> Find me frolicking over at tumblr: http://naminaee.tumblr.com/  
> Follow for my latest anime obsessions (mostly my gay ships //.//), fanfic updates and the occasional fan art I post!


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